Women and men feel very differently about money and how to use it. Typically, women see money as family vacations, health and home care for parents, private schools and education for children, and philanthropy. Most Men, on the other hand, see money as a number, once they reach that number they’ll be fine.

Just last week I was having a conversation that I think reflects how this difference shows up in everyday life. I was speaking with the father of two young children. He runs a successful business with his mother. She started the business years before and he came in as it grew. The mother is a divorced single parent of two children, the young man and his sister. The sisters’ son, his nephew, will start college in the fall of 2015, and finances for his education are a concern. The uncle to the boy feels that the money is his sister’s problem, while Grandmother feels it is a “family” problem. She feels that everyone needs to support the efforts of the grandchild/nephew because that is what families are supposed to do. They both reported that in all the years together they have never had as heated an argument as the one over the financing of the education for the grandchild/nephew.

It wasn’t until he and I had our conversation regarding the differences between men and women as to how each values money and it’s uses could they begin to come to peace with the issue.

• The grandmother clearly sees education as a family priority, and investing in the grandchild’s future as a family responsibility.
• He believes she should be saving her money so she can maintain independence even in the event of some unforeseen problem.

Although he recognizes he is a member of the family, he feels strongly that he should not contribute to his nephew’s education. The grandmother isn’t asking him to contribute, since he feels it isn’t his responsibility, but she would like him to understand that it goes deeply against her values to not help her grandchild. Both the mother and the son were very surprised at how emotional they were and how right each felt in their position.

This conversation is reminiscent of the lyrics from My Fair Lady, “Why can’t a Woman Be More Like a Man”: “Women are irrational, that’s all there is to that! Their heads are full of cotton, hay, and rags!” is the feeling that the uncle clearly had. He was being “rational”, thinking that his Mom should save her money. However, the most “rational” option in her mind was to ensure the future success of her family by paying for the boy’s education. Which answer is correct, completely depends on the personality, comfort, and values of the person making the decision. But, the fact that the male feels the way he does, and the female feels as she does is hardly surprising. This scenario is reflective of the relationship that many women report having with their financial advisors who, more often than not, are male. Of course, not every woman would make the same decision to financially support the education of their grandchild, but it speaks to the scale of model and the depth of factors that many women are taking into consideration and tracking when considering their finances. However, all too often, those who are managing their finances are not aware of this depth and subtlety and instead are simply focused on building wealth and protecting assets. A woman’s Emotional Financial Security (EFS), is a far more dynamic and complex issue than what Finance has thus far been able to account for.