What were your first experiences with money?
I received $2-3 dollars per week for allowance and was disgusted by it. I didn’t think it was enough. When I was a teenager, I was “strongly encouraged” by my grandmother to get a job when I turned 15 years old despite the fact that the legal working age was 16. She changed my birth year on my birth certificate to increase my age by 1 year. (Incidentally, this is also how I learned to alter documents) Whenever I got paid, I was “strongly encouraged” to contribute a third of my earnings to the household. This didn’t upset me, as I thought that this was the way things were supposed to be. I found myself spending my money on things that simply made me happy as a form of escape from the household drama that I often experienced.
What were the key messages around money that your family instilled in you?
I was taught that I should save money. The problem is that there was no substance surrounding that directive. I didn’t know how much to save, where to save it, when it was okay to spend it, and how much to spend. I also developed a strong secrecy around money – no one was to know how much money you made. I recall my grandmother telling me to “get her purse.” Each time it was in a different location hidden under, over, next to, or cloaked in some way. I had many thieves in my family, so hiding money became a natural part of my existence. To this day, I still have money hidden in multiple places. Who the hell am I hiding it from? Beats me…
What is your current relationship with money like?
I feel like I’m in a constant state of worry that there won’t be enough. Even when I have all of the bills paid and money in savings, I worry about when the bottom will fall out. What then? When I receive money, I look at my current priorities and disburse according to that. Very often I forego my “future self” to ensure that I’m taken care of in the present – “survive NOW!” I also feel a dynamic shift as I grow wiser, and I put my money in places where it can grow. I believe that your habits determine how well you shepherd your finances regardless of the whether you have very little or an abundance of. But then I also think, “Damn, when am I going to be able to test that theory?”