At DyMynd, we really try to steer clear of the “pink it and shrink it” mentalities or the overly-feminine clichés like princesses and such. But, every now and again, old adages like “kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince” actually apply. It’s advice that, at best, is questionable for dating and romance, but it has its applications to the financial investor-advisor relationship.

Like dating, most investor-advisor relationships start in similar courting-type ways.

• One option is that you are the one being picked up at the bar. Someone finds out that you have money and “puts you on the hot ticket list.” They may unexpectedly call you to schedule a meeting. They’ll schmooze you and use pickup lines.
• Another option is the blind date setup from a friend. They figure they like you and the like this other person, so the two of you should meet and get along. While on paper this may make sense, as in dating, in the financial relationship world, this is all too often proved a recipe for disaster.
• A third option is you courting them. You go to a financial firm and ask to open an account and, like in dating, because you approached them you get treated poorly at best.

In all of these situations the relationship can feel like a bad date or one you are forever stuck in. You find yourself questioning if they are even interested in you as a person or how you ended up in this situation.

Today, in the dating world, there are new tools like eHarmony® to help people better understand themselves and what kind of partner they are looking for. Using extensive profiles and strong academic backing people gain tremendous insights just from the process of filling them out and putting in the appropriate effort to find a good match. While there were many questions and concerns about online dating when it first started, it now results in more successful relationships, marriages, and happy partnerships than meeting someone at the bar or being introduced to someone by a friend. Knowing that it works, the natural question for us in finance is to ask is what are we doing for the relationships we are trying to build?

In short, Finance has no real level of sophistication for advisors to engage clients in a meaningful way.

• Currently 84% of women say they are dissatisfied with their financial institution and advisory relationship.
• Further, many feel that there is not much they can do about it, so they either choose to stay and tolerate it, or leave and try to find another advisor, who may or may not be any better.
• The ways in which Finance courts clients, in particular, female clients, often leaves women investors feeling like they are being hit on at the bar or in a bad relationship with someone who never listens to them.
• There is little room in the investor/advisor relationship for true relationship building.

Time on the agenda is not provided for sharing meaningful insights about yourself, understanding the other person, or any real development of the relationship that you are getting into. It is no wonder why female clients report feeling like they are not valued as investors, not heard or understood as partners, and talked down to. Additionally, the cost of an unsatisfactory financial relationship can be just as emotionally difficult and have the same long term negative effects as a bad breakup. Just like any relationship, the key is to make certain to understand yourself first.

Smart and sophisticated investors need to better understand their relationship with money and their financial identity before entering into a long-term partnership with anyone.

• This will enable investors to understand their agenda, and what they want out of the relationship they have with their adviser.
• Investors are in a position to expect to be heard, understood, respected and educated as to the transactions that are being recommended and executed.

If the financial relationship were to start with a more sophisticated process for clients to not only learn more about themselves but for advisors to learn more about a client’s true personality, preferences, concerns, behaviors, etc., there would be a far greater chance for a successful and satisfying engagement over the long term. Just like a bad relationship, if an advisor is not treating you the way that you want to be treated, don’t go back, find someone else. Play the field, learn what is out there for you. As you do so, learn about yourself and what you are really looking for, and when you find it, commit to it. These old truisms for romance hold even truer in the financial world and while we are no experts on romance, we can say that women should heed this advice in their financial relationships.