My first experiences with money are like a filmstrip of memories. I remember walking to the car after one of my many shopping sprees at Old Orchard mall with my mom and her saying, “Well, you are done for awhile.” She was referring to the various jeans and shirts we bought at Nordstrom that I didn’t need.

I also remember the night all those shopping sprees ended. It was a summer night in August of 1997. I was going into my junior year of high school. My mom found out that my dad had made some bad decisions around money and we had to face a new financial reality. A Chinese wall was built that night between my family’s finances and me. I didn’t want to know what happened. I just wanted my parents to fix it. When you are young, it’s hard to see that your parents might have made mistakes.

Fast forward to my sophomore year in college. The Chinese wall was still standing strong. I was buying books for class at the campus bookstore and my dad’s credit card bounced. I was embarrassed and upset. I didn’t know he had to use the money he would have paid the credit card with to pay the mortgage on my childhood home.

I got tired of hearing my dad’s excuses. Not really wanting to know the truth, or to depend on him anymore, drove me to get a job. I was the only sister in my sorority house that would go to class in the morning and then drive to Bethesda to work in the baby department at Nordstrom at night. Ironic I guess that I went back to the scene of the crime so many years later, but I was on the other side this time.

My dad used to tell me not to talk to my mom about these things. He said it would just upset her. When I did talk to her about it, she would tell me that she believed in him and that he would make things right. I still didn’t know the details but I had enough of an understanding to know I was on my own.

Key Messages

Money was a sensitive subject growing up in my family. It caused a lot of yelling and fighting. There was a lot of secrecy and pain around our finances. Instead of facing the issues, I chose to disconnect from them. I went on my own phone plan, started a savings account and with my mom’s help, opened a traditional IRA. I had a trusted employer help me combine my student loans and come up with a payment plan. I started to build what I call financial grit. I decided then and there that I would never be in the same position I grew up in. I would never worry about money.

While my friends went through phases of financial woes, I never had those concerns. Even when my employer put me on a fully-commission based salary. Instead of worrying, I worked harder to make ends meet. I babysat, took on writing gigs and found freelance jobs to build up my reserves.

Leveraging My Experiences

In the end, I was able to create a comfortable life for myself and establish an extensive network of professional contacts. I was a contributing editor to an online publication on one hand, helped organize events for a conference coordinator on the other, and still worked full time in the derivatives space. Through my contacts, I built a not for profit organization that helped women advance their careers. The pain and uncertainty I grew up in drove me to form a concrete foundation of financial opportunities.

When my father got sick and was laying on his deathbed, I told him that I didn’t care what he did. He was my father and I loved him. After he died, I found a folder on his computer with every article I had ever written. It made me realize he loved his family and did the best he could. He supported us the only way he knew how.

My mom revealed her truth after he died as well. Even though she wanted to trust my father, she too knew something had to be done. She quietly invested thousands in her own pension funds, mutual funds and IRAs. She helped my sister pay a chunk of her student loans, gave me some money for a down payment on a condo and has been able to help us in a way I never needed but always wanted her to.

As I am married now and starting a family of my own, I hope to provide more financial transparency around money. I am a business owner, a homeowner and a world traveler. While my first experiences with money were tough, it made me who I am today and I am a better person because of it.